Cell Scandal Derails Mike Prez Bid

May 10, 2007 (GBN News): According to GBN News sources, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has decided to forego a presidential race due to his concern about publicity generated by a group called, “Cell Phone Users for Truth”. The group purports to have direct knowledge of the Mayor’s past use of cell phones which could be potentially embarrassing and might even discredit his strict ban on students’ possession of cell phones in schools. The Mayor is reportedly afraid that revelation of this information could damage a prospective Bloomberg candidacy. Moreover, the Mayor is said to feel that the cell phone ban is so crucial to the success of his educational reforms that he is reluctant to jeopardize those reforms by risking exposure by the group.

When questioned by GBN News, the Mayor flatly denied that any decision had been made, but said that if it were, he would not be “cell phone boated” out of the race. When asked whether the “Truth” group could affect a possible gubernatorial run against Elliott Spitzer, the Mayor denied any intention of running, but said that if he did, “He can’t touch me, I’ve got more money than he does.”