Klein and Aide to Provide Yuks for Next Woody Allen Film

July 25, 2007 (GBN News): Filmmaker Woody Allen announced today that he is hiring Schools Chancellor Joel Klein and Department of Education Spokesperson Dina Paul Parks as consultants for his next movie. Mr. Allen, on the set of his as yet unnamed film, was said to have realized that many moviegoers feel that his films are “not as funny as they used to be”. But when he heard some of the recent statements coming out of the DOE, he was reminded of some of his earlier movies and felt that, with these people as comedy consultants, perhaps he could “capture some of the old magic”.

Mr. Allen felt that the DOE plan to provide outside lockers for cell phones, and to make the lockers transparent so that students could not store drugs or weapons in them, was a “stroke of comedic genius”. He said it reminded him of the scene in “Bananas” where the South American dictator decrees that people change their underwear every day, but that they must wear their underwear on the outside so it can be monitored.

Mr. Allen was also said to be tickled by a statement made by Ms. Parks, the DOE spokeswoman, about a City Council bill prohibiting the DOE from interfering with parents’ right to send their children to school with cell phones for use going to and from school. Ms. Parks was quoted in the New York Times as saying, “The mayor has never said you can’t bring phones to and from school — you just can’t walk into the buildings with them. So I’m really at a loss to see what the legislation adds.” Mr. Allen will be relying on Ms. Parks, as well as Mr. Klein, to come up with similar outlandish statements for the movie.

Mr. Allen has characteristically refused to divulge any details about the new film. However, a source close to Mr. Allen revealed that the film would be a remake of “Bananas”, set in New York, and would feature Mr. Allen as a bumbling character who manages to attain dictatorial control over the city schools. The source said that Mr. Allen felt it would be the “challenge of his career” to portray a more bumbling set of characters than the ones currently running the Department.