Principal Gets Bonus, Pink Slip

December 19, 2007 (GBN News): Principal Marcia Burns of PS 399 in Staten Island thought the performance bonus she received this week was probably too good to be true. Unfortunately for her, she was right. The envelope she received from the DOE did indeed contain a notice informing her that she had earned a $25,000 bonus based on her school’s superior test scores in the past year. However, in the very same envelope was another notice – this one telling her that, due to the “F” grade her school earned on the recent Performance Review, she will be terminated effective at the end of the semester.

GBN News was able to catch up with DOE Accountability Czar Jim Liebman (no small feat considering his fleetness afoot) to ask him how two such contradictory notices could have come at the same time. “There’s actually nothing unusual about this,” Mr. Liebman said. “We do this all the time. By putting two notices in the same envelope, we save a great deal of money on postage; money that can now be returned to the classroom.”

Ms. Burns was philosophical about the whole situation. “The DOE giveth, and the DOE taketh away,” she told GBN News. “I just didn’t expect that both would occur simultaneously.”