Strange Visitors From Another Dimension?

August 11, 2009 (GBN News): A leading expert in paranormal phenomena charges that NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Schools Chancellor Joel Klein have somehow switched places with counterparts from another dimension. J. Fredrick Runson, head of the Parapsychology Department at Manhattan University, told GBN News that there is no other possible explanation for the recent comments made by the Mayor and Chancellor about social promotion.

Dr. Runson pointed out that despite research showing that grade retention can lead to higher dropout rates, the Mayor nevertheless stated, “It’s pretty hard to argue that it doesn’t work.” And the Chancellor, despite a firestorm of opposition to ending social promotion both in 2004 and at present, called support for his policy “unanimous”. “To disagree on an issue is one thing,” Professor Runson said to GBN News in a telephone interview. “But to deny that there is any opposition at all has got to be coming out of a totally different reality. Those guys are not from these parts, I can assure you.”

The implications, according to Dr. Runson, of the Mayor and Chancellor being from an alternate universe are potentially staggering. “Why, in their bizarre world,” he said, “No-bid contracts may be mandated, parents to be ‘seen and not heard’, cell phones could be dangerous weapons, and spending a fortune to overturn term limits so you can run again, after swearing that you won’t, may be considered the epitome of the democratic process. Imagine what sort of policies that kind of world view could lead to.”

When asked what can be done to expose and stop these other-worldly imposters, Dr, Runson took a page from another group opposing the legitimacy of a public figure’s existence. “Those so-called ‘birthers’ who say that President Obama was not born in this country may be a bunch of lunatics,” he said. “But somehow they managed to get a whole lot of people looking for Obama’s birth certificate. If we can do the same with Bloomberg, and if he is indeed some sort of alien from another dimension, he surely won’t be able to produce a birth certificate. And while proving he’s not human may not disqualify him from being Mayor - after all, Giuliani managed to get elected - it could at least cost Bloomberg enough votes to make it a closer race.”