YOU'RE FIRED!

April 23, 2007 (GBN News): A controversial new rule allowing principals to expel parents from PTA’s and PA’s may have a more benign intent than critics had feared. GBN News has learned that this rule was instituted in order to enable production of a spinoff to Donald Trump’s successful reality series, “The Apprentice”. According to sources, Mr. Trump has engaged Schools Chancellor Joel Klein to host next year’s version of the show, which will reportedly star the Chancellor as himself. Contestants on the show will be co-opted PTA and PA members throughout the city, who will compete to be hired for a paying job.

Each episode will feature a new and challenging set of tasks, which will test the contestants’ creativity, deviousness and willingness to suck up to the Chancellor. Each contestant will operate within his or her own school, and the goal will be twofold: to convince a majority of that school’s PA or PTA to accept whatever new policy or regulation is being promoted that week, and to undermine opposition to the Chancellor’s plans. Possible tasks will include generating support for the cell phone ban, choosing the Chancellor’s favored Learning Support Organization, and organizing a “spontaneous” parent rally opposing the UFT. Each week, the Chancellor will direct a principal to fire one contestant (hence the new rule), until only the winner remains.

The winner will be given a lucrative consulting job with either Alvarez and Marsal, Edison Schools or New Visions. The losers will become Deputy Chancellors at the DOE.