Bloomberg LP to Acquire Egypt

February 8, 2011 (GBN News): In the second blockbuster corporate takeover of the week, Egypt has agreed to be acquired by NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s company, Bloomberg LP. As part of the deal, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak will replace Cathie Black as NY City Schools Chancellor, while Ms. Black will relocate to Egypt to replace the Sphinx.

The deal is being seen as a win-win for everyone involved. The Mayor, who already owns NY City, gets to add an entire country to his portfolio, while ridding himself of a major embarrassment in Ms. Black. As Sphynx, Ms. Black will presumably find it more difficult to put her foot in her mouth. And the Egyptian leader manages to honorably extricate himself from a situation that he would otherwise not likely survive.

Reaction in NY City was initially muted, given that Mr. Mubarak’s dictatorial style is seen as somewhat less draconian than that of the previous Chancellor, Joel Klein, or even the Mayor himself. But rioting in Cairo only intensified when Mr. Bloomberg, in an apparent attempt to suppress the democracy movement, announced a ban on cell phones in Tahrir Square.

“They don’t need cell phones,” the Mayor insisted. “They just want them so that they can call home and find out if they’re having shish-kebab or baba ganoush for dinner.” However, demonstrators are predicting a very different fate for this prohibition than for the notorious ban in the NY City schools – an outcome which might yet inspire the pro democracy movement in NY City.