Children's First Game Update

After a document purporting to be a "contract" for schools Chancellor Joel Klein was finally revealed by the DOE, the game "Children First: A Game of Irony" has been reorganized once again. A new card has been added, if a bit belatedly:

Congratulations! This is to confirm your "contract" as NYC Schools Chancellor, effective five years ago. Tell your driver to take you past "Go" five times and collect $250,000 each time, plus benefits.

Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job! (oops, that's the FEMA guy. Oh well, same difference.)

"Children First" Game Rule Clarification

The post below, "A Free Choice for Principals?" requires a rule clarification for the new Monopoly-like game, "Children First: A Game of Irony":

According to the rules, if someone lands on one of your schools, they pay you but you must then kick back 10% to the support organization you have chosen. If you have not chosen a support organization, you collect nothing and also lose 10% of your budget due to your "ineffective leadership".

However, remember the "Chancellor" can change the rules of the game at any time. The only check on his power to do this is that he must first consult with the "real stakeholders": Edison Schools, New Visions, and Alvarez and Marsal.

New Game Creates Furor

March 18, 2007 (GBN News): The controversial decision by the DOE to sell off PS 109 may be the result of a misunderstanding relating to the soon to be released Parker Brothers game, “Children First: A Game of Irony”. PS 109, a large, attractive school building on East 99th St., could have been used to ease the severe overcrowding in nearby schools. However, the DOE plans to sell the building for the price of $1.

According to sources, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein recently obtained an advance copy of the Monopoly-like game based on the NYC school system, and has been playing it incessantly with aides. Apparently, the Chancellor’s decision to sell off a “school” he had landed on in the game caused an over-zealous assistant to take him at his word and draw up sale papers to sell a real school. The aide, trained to act on the Chancellor’s orders without questioning, presented the sale papers to Mr. Klein, who, thinking it was part of the game, signed them.

Most educational observers agreed that this is the only possible explanation for the sale of PS 109. To sell such an ideal school building, especially for the bizarre price of $1, amidst the overcrowding plaguing the school system, is something even the current schools Chancellor could not have possibly done unless he either misunderstood or was totally divorced from reality.

In a related story, Reality filed for divorce this morning from schools Chancellor Klein, claiming that for all practical purposes, they were already divorced.

You Ask, We Get the Answers: More Info on “Children First” Game

March 15, 2007 (GBN News): Since we broke the story, GBN News has been inundated with inquiries about the prospective new Parker Brothers game, “Children First: A Game of Irony”, based on the NY City school system. (See previous GBN News article, “A New Game in Town”, March 10). The game has been shrouded in more secrecy than a DOE planning meeting, but one of our intrepid reporters has somehow been able to get hold of cards and a board from a prototype of the game. The game apparently comes with a warning informing users that the entire game is subject to reorganization and may become obsolete shortly after you buy it. However, owners of the computer version can download updates for what is termed a “nominal cost overrun”.

Following are a few examples of cards and board spaces from the game (players must amass “test points” to win):

• The school you are principal of scores in the bottom 10% of your district. Lose 100 test points and your job

• The school you are principal of scores in the top 10% of the district. Gain 100 test points but lose your job on the next turn for failure to meet higher expectations

• You must choose a “Learning Support Organization”. Whichever one you choose, lose 250 test points

• Go To Rubber Room. Go directly to Rubber Room. If you pass Go collect $200 but lose an indefinite number of turns

• Your 5 year old is given a Metro Card instead of a school bus. Lose one turn while Child Protective Service investigates you for endangering your child

• Your school bus route is cancelled: You cannot get to school, lose 100 test points

• You score “below standards” on your standardized tests. Lose 100 test points and a turn while you repeat the grade. Teacher and principal lose 200 points each for “leaving you behind”

• Cell phone confiscated. You cannot contact your parents when your train breaks down. Lose two turns while you wander the streets trying to find your way home

• Your class has 40 students. Teacher confuses you with the student in the next seat. Lose 50 test points

• ARIS computer is down. Each player loses a turn

• “Get Out of Jail Free”: If you are a Tweed administrator you also receive 500 bonus points and a job offer at a high priced consulting firm with a lucrative DOE no-bid contract

• “Take a ride on the Reading First Railroad”. Lose a turn, the train already left

• Free Parking: Pay $250 fine for failure to dig your car out of the ice by the school. You didn’t think parking would really be free, did you?

• “Just Visiting”: The Mayor skips this space. He doesn’t do visits; he’s in Florida

• Advance token to the nearest “failing school”. If unowned, you can buy it from the DOE and turn it into a charter school.

A version of the game will also be available based on the St. Louis school district. The St. Louis version is similar to the New York game but if you land on the space labeled “Alvarez and Marsal”, you go bankrupt and have to start all over again.