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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Eva Occupies OWS

November 2, 2011 (GBN News): NY City Mayor Michael Bloomberg believes he has found a sure-fire way of evicting those nettlesome Occupy Wall Street protesters, GBN News has learned. According to City Hall sources, the Mayor will employ the same methods he uses in the public schools, and will dislodge the protesters by siting a charter school in Zuccotti Park.

The Mayor is said to have had no trouble bringing the head of the Success Charter Network, Eva Moskowitz, on board with his plan. Ms. Moskowitz has already ordered desks, chairs, whiteboards, and other school equipment to be delivered to the park at midnight, and her staff will immediately remove all tents, signs, and other paraphernalia and toss them out onto the street.

When reached for comment, Schools Chancellor Dennis Walcott denied that the protesters will necessarily have to leave the park. “They can apply to the charter school same as anyone else in the city," Mr. Walcott told GBN News. “As long as they get in through the lottery, they can stay as long as they follow the rules.”

But critics were skeptical. “Eva’s got a history of expelling people who she considers ‘disruptive’," said one protester who is familiar with Ms. Moskowitz’ methods. “By the second week, there may be none of us left.”

“On the other hand,” she continued, “if we can stand our ground, maybe it will inspire the parents in the public schools she’s moving in on to resist her by occupying their own schools. Maybe this time, she’s gone too far.”

1 comment:

Emily Armstrong said...

Thanks for a Friday laugh, complete with whiteboards.