Thursday, June 18, 2009

Secret Bloomberg Plan to Retain School Control

June 18, 2009 (GBN News): Mayor Michael Bloomberg, fearing that State Senate gridlock could doom his control of the city school system, has quietly begun making plans to stage what would effectively amount to a coup d’etat, sources told GBN News. While the Mayor remains committed to some semblance of a democratic process, the sources said, he is also determined to protect the public from the sort of civil disturbances that he has predicted would ensue if Mayoral control is allowed to sunset.

Mr. Bloomberg is said to be spending substantial amounts of his own money to hire Xe Worldwide (formerly Blackwater Worldwide) to seize the NY City school system at midnight on June 30 if Mayoral control lapses at that time. But since even Mr. Bloomberg’s billions could not buy enough manpower to fully occupy each and every school, the plan calls for focusing on strategic assets such as the schools’ robocall machines.

Once in control of the communications apparatus, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein would deploy his own sizeable cadre of Public Relations employees to send out calls to each and every parent. The calls will intimidate parents with the recorded voice of Tony Soprano, telling them, “If you ever want to see your school again, you’ll keep your mouth shut and let the Mayor run it.”

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for Xe Worldwide denied any involvement with the Mayor. However, a source at Xe told GBN News that many of their employees have taken to calling themselves “Soldiers of Bloomberg’s Fortune”.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gary, you have way too much time on your hands. Perhaps you should be helping your kids with their homework or taking them for a walk in the park instead of focusing all your time on your angry posts - which are actually not funny at all. In fact, I would describe your work as rather amateur.

Gary Babad said...

Ah, a breath of fresh air. Finally, someone who recognizes my blithering idiocy for what it is. Well, you've certainly set me straight. Because of your comment, I've decided to accept that $200,000 job offer heading up the DOE PR Department. Might as well put my blithering idiocy to good use! Well, I've got to go. I do believe I'll take that walk in the park now.

Student Talk said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Gary, it's not funny anymore, and it diminishes the context for the important, serious commentary. Please take it somewhere else?

Leonie said...

Anonymous, perhaps you work for the Mayor? In any case, as usual, Gary's work is brilliant and I suggest you take your comments somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ananymous,
Maybe if you were truly interested in the success of the students within the NYC education system you would let parents know what is really going on, so that they may act in an appropriate and informed manner. It is easy to critize and condemn but surely it is harder to stand for something...maybe sir you are the later that will just fall for anything...in this case Bloomberg! Kudos to you Gary...keep up the good work.

ed notes online said...

Gary
They're right. You're nowhere as funny as the Learn NY ads. Or seeing Al,Joel and Newt standing arm in arm. You can never top those images.

Gary Babad said...

Sadly, you're right. That probably explains why they haven't offered me a PR job yet. They'd have to give me advanced training. Hmmm... I wonder if they have a "PR Academy" to go along with the "Leadership Academy". But instead of Jack Welch, they'd have to get Karl Rove behind it.