June 25, 2009 (GBN News): In what is seen by some as a sign of panic, Department Of Education undercover operatives have been trying to infiltrate the NY City Public School Parent Blog, sources told GBN News. One such attempt has been evident in the past few days. An anonymous commenter on the blog has been posting messages accusing GBN News of “not being funny”, and is apparently trying to discredit the news service by disingenuously accusing it of “kicking a serious post off the front page”. This operative has further tried to intimidate GBN News by suggesting that it take its stories “somewhere else”.
According to one source, who spoke to GBN News on condition of anonymity, the DOE has further contingency plans in case this blog infiltration is insufficient. One such plan reportedly involves the ARIS computer system. Its much touted “parent link”, purportedly designed to allow parents to access their children’s grades and attendance figures, is said to actually place dangerous spyware on users’ computers. The spyware will, among other things, turn critical emails to elected officials and newspapers into testimonials to Mayor Bloomberg’s control of the schools.
There was also reportedly a great deal of debate within the DOE as to how to confront parents “in the streets”. Apparently fearing that activists will emulate the recent street demonstrations in Iran, some DOE officials advocated using anti-riot weapons such as water cannons, while others promoted waterboarding. But the eventual consensus was to take advantage of the Department’s huge stockpile of dangerous weapons; weapons that strike fear in the hearts of anyone who knows the NY City public schools. Consequently, parents opposing Mayoral control will encounter school safety officers armed to the teeth with thousands of confiscated cell phones. They will effectively tie up parents’ communication through incessant calls, and prevent them from deciding whether to have chicken or fish for dinner.
GBN News released a statement pledging that it will not be cowed by intimidation. And the GBN News food critic assured readers that if they feel confused, “You can’t go wrong with the fish.”