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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

DOE Announces New Administrative Positions

December 26, 2007 (GBN News): The NY City Department of Education announced today the creation of five new high-level administrative positions. In a statement to reporters at Tweed Courthouse, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein said that the creation of these positions will continue the process of bringing what he called “sound business practices” to the Department. “These new job titles should be recognizable to anyone familiar with the business world,” the Chancellor said, “and the positions are designed to maximize output and to further enhance the efficient delivery of educational services to our consumers.”

The new positions, their functions, and their salaries are:

Chief Pupil Compaction Officer: Responsible for determining class sizes, and maximizing efficient use of classroom space. $187,366.

Chief Pedagogical Incrimination Officer: Directs the legal unit which assists principals in terminating tenured, experienced teachers. $178,500.

Chief Communication Interception Officer: Responsible for confiscation of cell phones from students. $181,000 (on a two year plan).

Chief Largesse Disbursement Officer: Determines DOE administrative salaries. Also responsible for negotiating no-bid contracts with consultants and standardized test companies. $1,364,879.

Chief Obfuscation Officer: Heads the PR Department division responsible for explaining all DOE restructuring issues to the public. $191,000.

Mr. Klein was asked what sort of qualifications he is looking for to fill these new positions. “We are seeking qualified people who can do the best job educating our children,” the Chancellor said. “This means we are looking for substantial experience in the business or legal professions. But a year or so of previous teaching experience would not necessarily be a disqualification, so long as it was just a stepping stone to their real career.”


MDS News Service said...

Rumors on parents blogs claim the positions were filled before this announcement was made. "As usual, the DOE announces these things after the fact. Klein probably met five lawyers last night who needed extra pocket change," said Joe Blog, father of a public school 5th grader, "so he created these jobs just for them."

The rumors could be neither confirmed nor denied.

Gary Babad said...

I wouldn't doubt it. After all, 'tis the season for giving!