Friday, May 2, 2008

New DOE Plan to Reduce Class Size

May 2, 2008 (GBN News): Striking back at critics who say that the NY City Department of Education has failed to lower class size, the DOE announced today a new class size reduction plan. The plan is said to reduce class size by diverting students into what will be called the “Absent Student Reserve”.

According to the DOE, from now on students whose schools are closed or are taken over by small schools or charter schools will be considered “ASR’s” and will no longer automatically be placed within the school system. Instead, these students will be responsible for finding a place for themselves in what the DOE terms an “open market system”. Students will have to apply for open classroom slots, and each principal will decide which students to accept.

Schools Chancellor Joel Klein, at a City Hall press conference, told reporters, “This will go a long way towards lowering class size, since principals will no longer be forced to accept a child into a school with limited space just because that child may feel ‘entitled’ to an education. Children will have to show some initiative, just like the real world they’ll encounter later on in life.”

Under the new system, ASR’s will have one year to find a new school to attend, or they will be permanently dropped from the system. Asked how these children will be able to make a living if they cannot get an education, Mr. Klein responded, “Well, there’s always Wal-Mart.”


Leonie Haimson said...

This is a brilliant parody that cuts very close to the truth. NYC does indeed have an absent student reserve -- the thousands of students who are discharged or pushed out of school every year. For more on this see our blog entry on April 23 --

or the recent report from Advocates from Children, at

Pissed Off said...

sadly, I can see this coming