Mayor de Blasio and DOE Chancellor say state test results "cast a positive light on NYC's performance" (parody by Fred Smith)

Today the state test scores from last spring were released, revealing that only 20% percent of eligible NYC students in grades 3-8 took the exams, as many were engaged in remote learning and parents had to opt in for their children to take them. Thus the results were more meaningless than ever.  Even so, a 64% of students tested "proficient", a higher percentage than in years past. 

Below is testing expert and critic Fred Smith's rendition of a NYC press release, a parody of the nonsense that regularly comes out of the Mayor's office and DOE in a usual, non-pandemic year.

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This afternoon, Mayor de Blasio and Schools Chancellor Porter announced the results of the 2021 ELA and Math Tests.   

They cast a positive light on New York City's performance.

The chancellor said that since the Common Core tests began in 2013, this year's results had reached new heights of irrelevance. 

"This shows how good leadership and dedicated teachers and principals can bring us to a new level, despite the challenges we have faced.

I want to thank the mayor for the support he has given us.  Chancellor Carranza, my predecessor, deserves some of the credit too."

The Mayor seemed particularly gratified and attributed this year's success to the seeds planted by his Universal Pre-K program.  

"I would say that anytime we make strides, even if they lack meaning, is a good time." 

Power point charts were made available to the media providing the usual breakdowns.  As expected, New York did better than the Big 4 cities. 

              ~30~

Unannounced Closing Stuns Bronx School

December 6, 2007 (GBN News): In a policy that the NY City Department of Education terms “Unannounced Closing”, Schools Chancellor Joel Klein has decided not to wait until the end of the year to close some “failing schools”. One such targeted school, PS 422 in the Bronx, was shuttered this morning in dramatic fashion when Blackwater school security officers swooped down on the school, giving teachers and children 30 minutes to clear out their belongings and vacate the building.

The school had recently received an “F” rating on its Progress Report, despite having been considered “Proficient” on its latest Quality Review. One teacher, who spoke to GBN News on condition of anonymity, said, “We figured they’d probably close the school, but nobody expected it to come so fast. They didn’t even let the kids finish their lunch.”

It was a grim scene outside the school. Someone, presumably the Principal, was observed being led away with his face covered. Stunned parents milled about, waiting for their children to emerge. When the children did come out, they did so in an orderly fashion, many of them carrying books and artwork. Blackwater guards kept order, only occasionally prodding a teacher or child to move more quickly.

When reached for comment, Mayor Bloomberg defended the abrupt closure. “If the schools don’t educate our kids, they’re not going to stay open,” said the Mayor. “We don’t see any reason to keep a school open a minute longer than necessary,” he continued. "And by not announcing [the closings] beforehand, we'll keep the principals and teachers on their toes while we hold their feet to the fire."

Chancellor Klein was later asked by GBN News what plans are being made to accommodate the children from the closed school. The Chancellor briefly looked up from his Blackberry and muttered, “They can always go to private school.”