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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Rioters Hit NYC Streets as Mayoral Control Lapses; Soviet Coup Fizzles

July 1, 2009 (GBN News): Just as Mayor Bloomberg predicted, rioters flooded into the streets of Manhattan at the stroke of midnight tonight, violently protesting the sunset of Mayoral control of the city schools. But Mr. Bloomberg’s other apocalyptic warning, of a Soviet takeover, did not come to pass.

In a tumultuous scene, the mob, estimated at nearly six rioters, chanted pro-Bloomberg slogans while throwing fruit cocktails at nearby windows. One of the protesters spoke to GBN News only on condition of anonymity, because Learn NY forbids them from talking to the press. That organization, he said, had been paid by the Mayor to turn people out into the streets to “rumble”. But when asked why they were throwing fruit cocktails, the protester said, “That cheap bastard, with all his money, he wouldn’t even buy us the Molotov ones.”

Meanwhile, although three octogenarian, self-described Bolsheviks did enter DOE headquarters at midnight with the intent of taking over, they left shortly thereafter. Back out on the steps, a spokesperson for the three indicated that the corruption inside the building was a bit too much to take, even for a bunch of ex-Brezhnev apparatchiks. “Our credo has always been, ‘From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs’,” he told reporters. “But the DOE motto seems to be, ‘From each according to his ability, to each according to Boss Tweed’. From what we saw in there, it seems their headquarters is aptly named.”

In other news, associates of ousted Honduran President Manuel Zelaya desperately sought a meeting with Mayor Bloomberg today. Mr. Zelaya, whose effort to overturn term limits resulted in his being overthrown in a recent coup, wanted advice from Mr. Bloomberg, who was able to survive under similar circumstances. However, the Mayor rebuffed the ex-President’s overtures, saying, “If he’d only had the foresight to make billions before he became President, he’d still be in office.”

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