Back Atcha! A Report Card for the DOE

In recognition of the DOE's imminent release of school Report Cards, it only seemed fair to offer one in return. And what do you know? It's STRAIGHT A's!!!





GROWTH IN TASK AREAS

Grade -------- Item

-- A -- Discourages Parent Engagement
-- A -- Disregards Parent Concerns and Needs
-- A -- Obstructs Use of Cell Phone Technology to Facilitate Daily Parent/Child Interaction
-- A -- Minimizes the Relevance of SLT’s and CEC’s
-- A -- Fully Obscures Organizational Structure and Lines of Responsibility
-- A -- Avoids Open and Honest Public Discussion
-- A -- Discounts Improving the Learning Environment through Smaller Class Sizes
-- A -- Rejects Whole Child Education in Favor of Whole Child Test Preparation
-- A -- Rejects Preparing Students for Success in College and Beyond in Favor of Developing Lifelong Skills with Timed Multiple Choice Tests
-- A -- Dares Teachers to Explore Material Deeply, Teach Creatively, and Inspire Students
-- A -- Motivates Students to Become Lifelong Learners Only When They Are Paid to Do So, Thereby Maximizing Their Future Income Streams as Adults
-- A -- Increases Principal and Teacher Focus on Standardized Test Scores
-- A -- Centralizes Control over Educational Policy
-- A -- Undermines Public School System to Facilitate Increase in Privately Managed and Charter Schools
-- A -- Focuses Student, Teacher, and School Evaluations Exclusively on Quantifiable Metrics
-- A -- Awards Lucrative No Bid Contracts to Consultants
-- A -- Maximizes School Accountability with Funds from Unaccountable Corporate Sources
-- A -- Implements Corporate Governance Model for Public School System
-- A -- Uses Public Funds to Build Dossiers on Critics
-- A -- Creates Meaningless Report Card System to Enrage and Confuse Parents
-- A -- Massages Data to Spin Self-Favorable Analysis and Reports
-- A -- Maximizes Inappropriate Use of Standardized Test Scores
-- A -- Makes Effective Use of PR for Maximum Obfuscatory Effect


GROWTH IN PERSONAL BEHAVIOR (Not Included in Overall Grade)

-- D -- Listens Attentively
-- D -- Plays Well with Others
-- D- -- Deals with Others in Honest and Trustworthy Manner
-- D- -- Shows Courtesy and Consideration to Others
-- F -- Respects Others’ Opinions and Beliefs

Oh well, nobody's perfect, and there's always next year.